evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize