oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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