everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
