So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
