I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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