I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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