Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
