i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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