so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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