It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
