saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
