I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Will exercising make me less horny?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
