come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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