Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
