The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize