I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So much rum. So many feels.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
