Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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