So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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