masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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