Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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