When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
