Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
