Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
