I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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