There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
