she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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