I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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