Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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