News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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