Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
