Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
