There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize