So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
