is your mom at the bar?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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