I faked an abortion last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
