Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
