You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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