When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
