Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
