no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
