Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize