my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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