I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
