ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
