You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nutella sex= disaster
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize