Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ambien. No doubt about it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
