My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize