he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
