i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
