I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
