i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
