Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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