Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
