i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
