i would punch a child for taco bell
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
