Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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