and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize