Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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