just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
