omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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