He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
