Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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