I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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