I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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