Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
