I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
