Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's blow job season.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize