Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
