then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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