I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please come you make the beer taste better
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
