Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
