On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
