I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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