Quick, to the slutcave!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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