his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
