Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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