There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
