Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize