You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize