yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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