I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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