Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
