saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
