I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
