i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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