It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
