Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
