just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
