she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
