you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you never un-have a 4some
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
