I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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