Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a beard to bite.
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