Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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