these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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