I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
being pregnant is like rehab
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
