Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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