I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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