I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
