This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
