can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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