Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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